Thursday, October 4, 2007

my life is a constant anxiety attack

Once again, I'm writing instead of working. I have midterm exams tomorrow, 3 to be exact. I spent so long studying in the library today that I used up more than half of my mp3 player's battery power. So now its 9, and I still need to write a fucking lab report. argh.

I just checked my email and found this email from my chemistry professor:

Dear Johanna,
Having now written the exam, I expect to allow the class a little extra time tomorrow. You may start at 6:45 if you wish.
Cheers,
Prof. T.

"If I wish?" Fuck, that man is going to be the death of me. Exams for the rest of the class start at 7:30, and I am allowed a little extra time, so I start at 7. This means I roll out of bed at 6:30 and rush over to the classroom. Now I have to be up by 6, earlier if I want to be presentable (which I don't feel a need to be). This man is seriously insane. His classes are the earliest on campus, and he gives exams earlier than his lectures. And apparently he gets to campus by 6 every morning, meaning he must wake up before sunrise.

Although, one has to be insane to get a Ph.D in Organic Chemistry.

(Disclaimer: Professor. T is the best professor I have ever had, he's just fucking insane!)

Anyway, I was going to start this post with an explanation of the title, but got sidetracked by the email. So, back on track

I have ADHD. I have and anxiety disorder. what do you get when you mix Ritalin with an anxiety disorder and add pressure? A constant anxiety attack. Something in the Ritalin aggravates the anxiety disorder so that whenever I'm on my meds and under stress (Read: all the time) I have a constant sense of anxiousness, with accelerated heart rate, tight feeling in my chest etc. It's not a severe, find-me-in-the-corner-in-the-fetal-position anxiety attack, but its not pleasant. And it sucks.

I was going to write more but I now realize that it is 9:30, I still have to write my lab report, and be up at 6. So that's it for now. I'll be back on Tuesday when I get back from my "midterm break" which is simply Columbus Day weekend, but they have to give us a midterm break, so, hey, why not combine the two?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Overcoming anxiety is no small task.
It takes practice and a lot of hard work.

I used to have panic attacks once a week
due to my high anxiety, so I definitely feel
for you. Fortunately, I can do a lot more
for you than empathize.

By utilizing the techiques below, I was slowly
able to gain control over my anxiety and stop
my panic attacks from occuring. If you
exercise these techiques regularly, you too
will see great improvements in anxiety,
tension and stress.

Breathing:

As the anxiety creeps up, begin to count in
your head. Count 1,2,3,4 -- 1,2,3,4 -- 1,2,3,4
pausing on the dashes and so on.

You're not going to actually say or
even think the numbers. You're going
to breath the numbers.

Take a deep breath in through your
nose for the 1 and 2. Then take a
deep breath out through your mouth
for the 3 and 4. Practice this routine
for a few minutes a day until it
becomes an automated exercise for you.

Practicing really helps a lot.
Practice in a controlled environment.
I used to practice before bed. When
panic does hit, this self-defense
mechanism kicks in without effort.

Control Your Thinking:

When you have negative thoughts,
negative things will come into your
life. Conversely when you have positive
thoughts, positive things will come
into your life.

That's because thoughts steer the
direction of your life.

The same holds true in moments of high
anxiety. It's important during these
times to monitor your thoughts and
make sure you force calming ideas
and images into your head.

Nothing is really as bad as it seems and ten
years from now,this particularly stressful
situation won't exist - so control your
thinking to avoid your mind from falling
into a negative thought spiral.

As soon as you have a negative thought,
throw it out of your head and
counterbalance yourself with a
positive or optimistic thought.

This is a hard one, but after
you monitor your thoughts for
a week or two, you begin to think
more positive in general.

These two tactics helped me a lot.

Other helpful ideas are:
- Participat in Therapy
- Talk to someone you trust
- Exercise (cardio works best)
- Yoga
- Stretching
- Reading
- Meditation
- Take a hot shower
- Go for a Walk
- Listen to Music
For more Great Tips,
CHECK OUT:
http://www.Stop-Anxiety-Panic-Attack.com

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